Lily understood immediately. He was about 10 years older than her, seemed to be a good man, but she never thought about him this way. He was her doctor. Thus, she told him that was understandable and left his office. While driving home, she called Tabitha to tell her what had just happened.
And to her surprise, Tabitha was happy about it.
Oh sis, he is a good man, a doctor with a solid career. He is very honest and kind, and has always taken such good care of you, why don’t you give him a shot? Tabitha said. Of course he isn’t perfect, but no one is, and sometimes, when you expect too much of a partner, the expectations are unreal. And with all respect darling, in your case that’s literal. Think about it, at least Dr. Ackerman is here, right in front of you, that’s better than love in your imagination.
That put Lily to really think about it. Real relationships happen with real people, and maybe all her readings were taking her to idealize too much. Dr. Ackerman was stable, reliable, and there for her, as Tab said. She then called Joseph, as she was calling him now, and asked him out.
He accepted immediately and said that he was going to make the reservations for a proper dinner, and pick her up at home, as the occasion asked.
In their first date, he was polite but very kind and generous, he was definitely trying to impress her. All his effort made her truly enjoy his company. Joseph made her feel valued and appreciated and her family was very happy, especially when she told them they were now official.
Lily felt like she was finally finding an easy love, as people say. It wasn’t like she imagined, but her imagination was ruining her life anyway. And every time she remembered about Jake, she tried to suffocate the memory into a dark corner inside her mind and inner argument to convince herself that it was more than time for her to let that go and live in real life.
Joseph proposed to her, in a conversation in his car. It wasn’t a former proposal, he wanted to know how she feels about moving together and starting a family. That was her dream of having her own family coming true, a little bit grayer than she imagined; and again, she fought herself inside her mind to stop her illness and unreal expectations. That was caused by her books and her excessive imagination and Lily couldn’t remember when, but she stopped reading at all some point in the way.
She tried but couldn’t finish a single book at all anymore.
Thus, Joseph and Lily started organizing their wedding party and looked for a house to move into together, a couple of months prior to the wedding. Everyone was happy for them, and her family kept praising her assertive choice this time. And she was happy indeed. Lily was enjoying organizing the wedding, visiting houses with Joseph, or Tabitha and Tommy, and life was easy again.
Just not during her therapy sessions. When Lily was visiting her deep emotions. Life wasn’t easy at all. And for that short time, things sometimes got messy again. But when the session was over, the old Lily was back.
Six months before her wedding, Lily was going home and saw a car parked in front of her house. It was a common car, nothing special about it; except that the man driving that car was wearing the exact same suit and carrying the exact same backpack, that was visible in the passenger seat.
In the same second, Lily had to take a deep breath to calm herself down, while her heartbeat was increasing exponentially, and she started feeling slightly dizzy. Lily walked to the car and looked at the driver’s face. It was her front door neighbor, speaking with someone on his phone, so she just waved at him and walked away, feeling overwhelmed with emotions.
That day, she found out she couldn’t marry Joseph. It wasn’t about him, or Jake. It was about herself and her feelings. If the possibility of having Jake, even for seconds, was more powerful in her heart than a proposal from Joseph, that means she was making a huge mistake by getting married.
It took her courage to break up with Joseph, that was so nice to her, but he wasn’t the love of her life. How does she explain it? So, she just took the villain’s role and all the judgment and rage that came from both her and Joseph’s friends and family. But she knew it was the right choice to make and she never regretted it.
For the first time in her life, she was being truthful to herself, and that set her free. Lily decided that if she ever finds love in her life, had to be a soulmate’s love, like Jake.
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